WWE Extreme Rules live results: Winners and highlights from Sunday night

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Don’t worry, I’m not going to quote lyrics from the band Extreme the entire live blog, mostly because I only know two songs by Extreme, and that’s not enough for me to do a bit throughout the entirety of WWE’s Extreme Rules.

Also, words to “Play With Me” are difficult to naturally fit into anything besides a playground.

Oh, right, wrestling, yes, the thing we’re here for. It’s Extreme Rules time! Rusev is challenging AJ Styles for the WWE Championship! Nia Jax gets her rematch against Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women’s title and Ronda Rousey definitely isn’t going to show up to kick Alexa in the teeth since she’s suspended wink wink. And most importantly, Brock Lesnar is here to defend his hahahaha I can’t do it Brock isn’t here what a dumb title reign I can’t wait until Braun Strowman makes him get those hands next month.

We’ll be live blogging the show starting at 7 p.m. ET, so stick around for the play-by-play and the dumb jokes. Oh, and the occasional astute observation, that too.

Rusev vs. AJ Styles (c) for the WWE Championship

It’s Rusev Day, but a victory here by Rusev could mean that it’s truly Rusev Day. Styles is great and all, but this is Rusev: give Rusev the belt, and then every day will be even more of a Rusev Day than it was before.

I want it, the crowd wants it, GIVE IT TO US, WWE, GIVE IT TO US NOW

Rusev is in control early, and he’s targeting Styles’ lower back, which will help with Rusev’s finisher, the submission move the Accolade — it’s a camel clutch, and if your back is already hurting, you don’t stand a chance of escaping.

Styles finally begins to take control, knocking Rusev outside the ring to the barricade, and then following it up with a Phenomenal Forearm. Rusev is back in the ring, avoiding a count out, and while Styles isn’t in the danger he very recently was, his back is still a problem thanks to Rusev’s earlier attacks. And hey, now we’ve got dueling Rusev/Styles chants going!

Styles went for a springboard 450, but Rusev avoided it, and nearly locked in the Accolade. Styles gets the Calf Crusher on Rusev on his third try — he’s been working Rusev’s leg like Rusev has been working Styles’ back — but Rusev finally gets to the bottom rope and breaks up the submission before he has to tap.

Styles is not thrilled about Rusev getting to the ropes, and is now going after Aiden English or helping Rusev reach them. The distraction by English works — it’s one Styles definitely did not have to walk into, either — and Rusev ends up suplexing him on the outside.

Oohhhh man they got me there. That pin was like a 2.999999 count, but Styles kicked out.

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss (c) for the RAW Women’s Championship

Alexa Bliss won the women’s Money in the Bank briefcase last month, used it to end Ronda Rousey’s bid at Nia Jax’s RAW Women’s Championship with a few swings that same night, and then cashed it in on Jax to become champ. Now, she’s facing Jax in a rematch for that belt.

Bliss also pissed off Rousey in the process, both through hitting her with the briefcase and by taunting her the next night on RAW: Rousey then beat Alexa down so hard that she got suspended for 30 days.

That suspension is up Wednesday, but Ronda bought a ticket to Extreme Rules, and Alexa is defending against Nia in an Extreme Rules match… which means it’s also legal for Rousey to interfere. This is going to be violent!

Nia Jax is beating the shit out of Alexa Bliss, and it is Good. Bliss might have Mickie James in her corner, but Nia has Natalya, who recently turned face and is pals with Rousey, so might be staying that way for a bit. Or, is going to turn on Rousey tonight in service of Bliss, one or the other.

SPEAKING OF RONDA

She’s beating Mickie James up, because Mickie was hitting Natalya, and Ronda was not about to let that continue. And now she starts chasing Bliss, but James recovers in time to hit Rousey with a kendo stick from behind a few times. And now Mickie is going after Nia with a steel chair! Ronda get up wyd start delivering justice with weapons.

Ugh, Bliss retains following the chair attacks, as Rousey couldn’t get up fast enough — looks like we’re moving full-speed into Rousey vs. Bliss as a feud, with poor Nia being left behind.

Bobby Lashley vs. Roman Reigns for the right to be booed harder by the audience

Listen, I like Roman Reigns, and hate the way WWE books him, and his whole thing is a poisoned well at this point — Ian Williams can tell you more. Putting him against Bobby Lashley is… interesting. It’s like a different take on the Jinder Mahal match, where WWE is trying to see if they can make Roman’s opponent so unlikable that he’ll definitely get cheers. Except with Lashley, WWE probably also thinks he’s potentially likable, as they’re writing his awful segments and promos, anyway, so… maybe this one is about seeing if they can get Lashley cheered by facing Roman, who will not be cheered? What a puzzler.

Anyway this is basically a pissing contest happening inside a ring because Brock Lesnar isn’t around to defend the Universal Championship. The good news is that it’s not happening as the main event, so it’s good that those rumors didn’t come to fruition.

The crowd is chanting, and it is not for the match. It would help a lot if Bobby Lashley had a personality since his return other than, “no, I did serve in the military” and “actually, I do love my sisters.”

This match isn’t bad, by the way: it just kind of is. It’s very WWE-style power guy vs. power guy, moving slow, utilizing rest holds and big forearms in equal measure. You only want me typing that so many times, I’m guessing, so.

The good news is that they’re starting to up the ante, power-wise, so bigger moves are being hit. And hey, the crowd is split about 50/50 for Roman, which isn’t necessarily support for Lashley, but at least it sounds like it is through the broadcast.

The crowd remember that Lashley’s finisher, in 2018, is a stalling vertical suplex, and suddenly, the Reigns cheers are louder.

Well then! Reigns went for a spear, and Lashley countered with one of his own, and then pinned Reigns. It looks like my prediction from early April is real close to coming true:

Listen, I didn’t want to bring it into the world, but not tweeting it wasn’t going to stop it, either.

Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) vs. the Bludgeon Brothers (c) for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship

Daniel Bryan and Kane took a beating from the Bludgeon Brothers backstage earlier during this event, so it’s unclear if Team Hell No is going to be prepared for this championship fight. We’ll have to wait and see after the entrances and this promo video.

Daniel Bryan is here, clutching his ribs but yessing away all the same. The Bludgies are coming out next, which means no Kane, maybe? Does this mean Bryan has to try to fight them alone, or that Kane is going to enter late and make the save for Bryan? Or enter late and turn on Bryan? So many possibilities!

Bryan’s alone here — no Kane to start, at least. The good news is that if Daniel Bryan wins this by himself, he can yell “I’m the tag team champions!”and have it be both technically and grammatically accurate.

DB did a solid job of fending off Harper and Rowan, but the damned numbers game eventually got to him, and now he’s taking a beating from the two as they tag in and out, with nowhere for Bryan to escape.

Bryan, as he does, found a way! He moved out of the way of a Harper suicide dive to the outside, so Harper hit his own teammate with it. And here’s Kane! In a walking boot! The Demon’s Walking Boot, probably, but a walking boot.

And Bryan gets to him for a tag! Kane does damage standing in place — he’s very practiced at that, given he’s had awful knees forever now — and lays out the Bludgies.

It’s not enough, though, as Bryan gets beat down again upon his return to the ring, and the Bludgeon Brothers retain after hitting their finisher. Now we wait and see if Kane and Bryan can still be buds, or if they’re in a difficult emotional place following a loss.

Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens in a steel cage match

Finally, a match with moderately more extreme rules. Braun Strowman has Kevin Owens where he can’t run away: inside a steel cage. This match will work perfectly for me if Braun never tries to escape the cage, and instead just focuses on keeping Owens from escaping, i.e., attempts to end Kevin Owens.

ilu KO but it’s Braun, I’m not about to tell him to do or not do anything.

Kevin Owens tries to escape, repeatedly, and then realizes he’s probably going to have to fight just a little bit. He laid into Strowman a bit, attempted a pin, aaaaaaand was immediately thrown off. Go back to trying to escape, Kev.

Well, assuming he still knows he’s even in a place he needs to escape, as Braun is throwing him around the walls again and again, to the crowd’s delight — they’re chanting “one more time” after each one.

Owens handcuffed Braun to the top rope! Now he’s trying to escape following a “suck it” crotch chop. oh god strowman broke the handcuffs and caught Owens before he left the cage.

Oh Braun, great visual, but you lost the match now. Not that it matters, because Owens just lost the goddamn war: Braun chokeslammed Owens off of the top of the cage through the announce table far below, and since Owens technically had his feet hit the ground first, he wins. It, uh, was probably not worth it for Kevin.

The thing about this is that normally, the heel would claim they won despite how they won, and rub said victory in their opponent’s face, eventually forcing another match. Owens is probably just going to quietly accept his W and hope Braun forgets he exists for his own safety. Good twist on a classic tale, and hey, Braun never tried to escape the cage: he just wanted Owens to get what Strowman felt he deserved, and he sure did.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jeff Hardy (c) for the United States Championship

Nakamura, fresh off of his dick-punch-filled feud with AJ Styles for the WWE Championship, has downgraded a bit and set his sights on Jeff Hardy and the United States Championship. Jeff Hardy is back to wearing creepy face paint, so this feud is good, actually.

ahahaha Shinsuke uppercutted Hardy right in the willows before the bell rang, and then once the match began, hit him in the face with the Kinshasa: Nakamura gets the pin, and he’s the new United States champ!

There have been all kinds of reports of Jeff Hardy being hurt and wrestling through it, so if you were looking for confirmation of just how hurt, the low-blow-plus-finisher match is probably what you were looking for.

And here comes Randy Orton, fresh off a haircut, staring down Nak. And apparently he’s returned as heel Randy Orton, as he kicked Hardy in the dick for good measure and then sauntered off.

Asuka vs. Carmella for the SmackDown Women’s Championship

It’s the rematch we’ve all been waiting for, and hopefully the one where Asuka destroys James Ellsworth’s corporeal form. He’ll be suspended above the ring in a shark cage, so it won’t happen immediately, but maybe after he tries to interfere somehow, his time on this plane will come to an end.

It took like, five seconds for James Ellsworth to drop a weapon down from the cage — he’s wearing a bulky outfit, and it’s definitely full of weapons. Asuka saw it before any damage could be done, though: it’s important to note that this match is not under extreme rules, either, so Carmella can’t legally use any of these weapons.

Weapon number two dropped the cage also did not work out for Carmella.

Ellsworth got free from the cage, and is now inadvertently acting as a distraction, as he got caught on the cage and Asuka is kicking the shit out of him while Carmella lays outside the ring.

Everyone is trying to stop Asuka from kicking Ellsworth into oblivion, but they’re failing. The problem is that Carmella is awake again, and just threw Asuka face-first into the cage. A pin already? Jesus, guys, I know you need to find ways to get Carmella to top the most frightening wrestler in the women’s division/possibly your entire company, but come on.

Also:

We’re saving up all of the extremeitude for later, I guess.

One more Asuka thing: I’m all for Asuka losing matches where the goal is we want to see Carmella get her comeuppance at the hands of Asuka. But this is more like WWE making Asuka look like an ineffectual dork, and that’s not helpful for Asuka nor Carmella!

Finn Balor vs. The Constable, Baron Corbin

We’re getting Balor vs. literal cop Baron Corbin, who has shaved his head and looks significantly better, but also is now more cop-like.

Corbin is controlling this match, because even though Balor is super fast and agile, Corbin is stupid-fast and agile for someone who is 6-foot-8, and also, he’s 6-foot-8 and strong. Balor is starting to fight back from underneath, but building momentum has been tough against Stephanie McMahon’s personal cop.

Balor tried to go for a top rope move while Corbin was on the ground, but Corbin got up, grabbed Balor by the throat, and chokeslammed him into a backbreaker. Things are not going well for Finn.

Everything Balor tries is countered or responded to with extreme prejudice, but he finally snuck in a counter pin when Corbin went for his finisher. Balor gets the 1-2-3 and the surprise victory over Corbin.

Kurt Angle gave Brock Lesnar an ultimatum

RAW commissioner Kurt Angle just said absentee champion Brock Lesnar needs to show up on Monday’s episode of RAW to talk conditions for defending his title, or else he’ll be stripped of it. My first thought is that this gives Braun Strowman a chance to cash Money in the Bank on him. My second thought is Lesnar refuses to show up and continues to hold the title and call himself the champ whether he’s stripped of it or not.

Woken Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt (c) vs. The B Team for the RAW Tag Team Championships

Huh, this is a surprising opener for Extreme Rules, especially considering WWE has been trying to kick off pay-per-views with some intense matches whose energy will (in theory) carry through the show. Maybe we’re about to see Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel surprise everyone in the arena by getting a lengthy, energetic championship bout against Hardy and Bray.

It’s not that this foursome is incapable: it would just be surprising! But a welcome surprise, for sure.

Oh look, there’s Ronda Rousey at ringside, waving the ticket she had to buy around, I wonder if she’ll interfere later on ha ha probably not that never happens. …Okay I promise I’m not making fun I want Ronda to snap Alexa’s arm off at the elbow later on, this is just a thing you knew was going to happen given her suspension by RAW commissioner Kurt Angle.

Here we go!

I’m really excited for Bo Dallas vs. Bray Wyatt, not gonna lie. The real-life brothers are not storyline brothers, but you can definitely tell they’re related when you look at them next to each other. Aw, Bo tagged out after Bray was tagged in so they wouldn’t give the crowd the brother-on-brother violence we all crave.

While this match is slowly getting going, let me just take a second to say fuck Hulk Hogan being reinstated by WWE earlier today. I’m also disappointed in everyone who wrestles for WWE tweeting support for him, but also it’s hard to know if they’re being forced to by their boss.

Alright, we have a pin attempt by Bo Dallas on Hardy, and Curtis Axel follows up with one of his own on Hardy after being tagged in. This match isn’t very extreme so far, but that’s because it’s only at Extreme Rules, not under extreme rules.

Bo Dallas threw Matt Hardy into Bray Wyatt while they were about to use their tandem finisher, and Wyatt flew out of the ring! Bo pinned Hardy, and The B Team are now the RAW Tag Team champs!

That match was about as long as it needed to be, and given the ending, we’ll probably see a rematch that splits Hardy and Bray a little further apart.

Alright this match was worth it for Curtis Axel to explain how winning the titles made him feel: “How does it feel? How does a rainbow feel?!”





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